All parents want to be good role models for their children and share values and beliefs that will help them build a positive life. We want them to be healthy, safe, educated and fulfilled both academically and socially. We also want to implement processes that will meet their needs and allow us to develop a healthy relationship with them and live a happier life. This article was written with harmony in mind and that is why we share simple and effective “love” tips that will truly make a difference for your family.
In reality
We must admit that our “hyperactive” society doesn’t make things easier! Our busy life does not allow us to spend as much time with our children or to be devoted to our emotional bond as much as we would like. In general, we are submerged in a world where performance and competition encourage us to allocate most of our time to professional activities. Without even realizing, we end up dealing with our complex schedules and our daily races. This situation leads to a state of stress and fatigue that does not leave much time to enjoy the presence of our children.
Undoubtedly, most of us lack mental rest and don’t take enough time to ponder on the affective and psychological legacy that we want for our children.
Parent-child relationship
Knowing this, it seems obvious that we, parents, sometimes need a little help to discover new and faster ways to implement, in a delicate and constant process, a state of harmony in our relationship with our children and family.
It is important to listen to your child and to know how to intervene correctly with him to develop a healthy and balanced sense of bonding, safety and confidence, in order to develop our children’s psychological, affective, cognitive, social and spiritual skills.
It is also important to understand that several psychological and physical issues occur in children without any apparent cause. By reflex, we look for medical causes, trying to find the medication or treatment that would solve this problem, while in many cases; we are facing an affective issue. To name a few, let’s mention the difficulty to fall asleep, eczema and other skin diseases, fits of anger, nervous tics, behavioural and learning disorders, constipation, bed-wetting and isolation. These manifestations truly have physiological effects but they often stem from affective and psychological conflicts such as, for example, parental control and authority, overprotection, parental unresolved problems (anger, anxiety…), affective negligence and so forth.
Show your love!
To achieve our goal of developing a relationship based on love, collaboration, complicity, respect and harmony with our child, several “recipes” and “therapies” are available.
Personally, my way of intervening with your children and mine is through neurolinguistic programming (NLP), the loving communication!
It consists in listening, observing and understanding the feelings and behaviours of our children that can make a difference in the relationship we establish with them. Through words, screams, silences, faces, body movements, behaviours that are acceptable or not, our children are trying to communicate in their own way, depending on their stage of development, to help us understand their state of mind.
What it actually means is that our love should be expressed by putting our children first in our lives and devoting the time that they need with us, parents, to observe and become adults. By becoming parents, we have a responsibility to comply with their basic needs including love and emotional security. Although our schedules are loaded, we need to organize our lives accordingly to assume this responsibility. This is the best proof of love that we can give our children.
Day-to-day examples
Our children need to be given time (at least 20 minutes) daily. For example, by dedicating a small period of play (outdoor activities, drawings, games, hide and seek, tickle...) after work and before dinner, they are given importance and told indirectly " I love you and you are important to me " This short period of attention will allow you to prepare your dinner quietly and share your family meal in harmony. In addition, it is through such parental involvement that your child’s self-esteem is built.
To prevent crises, take the time to listen quietly to your child’s request and to understand their needs and desires. When you acknowledge his desire without necessarily giving in, and that you explain why you refuse when you do, he still feels recognized and important. It will make things much easier. For example, your child wants to watch "Caillou" just before leaving for daycare. Although you are in a hurry, take the time to listen to your child and acknowledge his desire: "You'd like to watch Caillou, I understand. It's true that it's fun. Unfortunately it is not possible now because we have to go so that mom can go to work. But you know what? Tonight, after work, we will sit together and watch Caillou." This type of intervention usually takes a few minutes and saves a lot of time as opposed to a crisis and unnecessary quarrels. Above all, it is done with love and respect.
If your child is aggressive (bites, hits...) with you and/or with siblings and other children, take time to evaluate what is happening to him. Is there a new baby in the house? Did you move into a new home recently? Did you change daycare? And what about your relationship, how are his parents doing? Before you lose patience, watch carefully. Talk to him. Tell him you know he is angry but tell him that this behaviour makes you unhappy and hurts. Afterwards, stay with him so he doesn’t feel dismissed or abandoned when he does something bad. Love is unconditional. It is likely that he will need to spend more quality time with his parents to receive the love and care that are necessary to improve his sense of security and self-esteem.
All these interventions may seem simple and fun, but they require a huge amount of unconditional love and of patience and self-control. What a great legacy to leave to our children!
These examples are only a small part of our reality. Practicing daily love begins with yourself, with your couple and keeps on with your children. Do not be afraid to look at yourself and acknowledge the aspects that require improvement in order to become a better human being and a better parent for your children and to become a role model for these adults of tomorrow.
Putting a little love in every interaction with our children is a commitment for a healthy and balanced relationship that will project our children in a better world.
